Most people are scared to death that God knows everything about them, inside and out. I remember when I felt that way myself. In the many years before my heart belonged to Him I rarely even thought of Him except in a judgmental category that carried a strong element of fear. I never thought that He wanted anything to do with me really since I had suffered so much early in life. It was almost like we were ignoring each other as life went by. It doesn’t mean that I was right in the way that I thought, but honestly, I figured if He wanted to connect with me that He would let me know.
Can you tell that my first thought of rejection came from my hurtful impression of God?
Then one tearful day in Dodge City, Ks when I was in my 30’s, I picked up the bible and began a journey to a different impression of Him. As time went by and I continued to read, I learned all sorts of private and intimate feelings of His. His heart was everywhere in those words. His heart reached out to me and I fell in love with Him just like that. I found subtle changes in my behavior and personality that were amazing to me and those around me in the months and years that passed. I hungered for holy and our relationship continued to grow. I started despising secrets and wanted truth to be who I was.
I stayed focused on how awesome He was. I had no problem viewing how fabulous He was. That was easy. But then one night while I was doing a Beth Moore bible study I was instructed to contemplate a spiritual expression of God’s love of me with the beautiful love story portrayed in Song of Songs.
I was not able to do it. I would read those love passages and totally freak out at the improper concept of a spiritual love affair with God. I was scared that I would be struck by lightening by just thinking He would think that I was all that. I finally got down on my knees and cried out to Him to help me – that I didn’t know how to love Him like that.
In days…and I mean days…His Holy Spirit began to manifest in my life the most glorious encounters. He romanced me. He revealed just how personal His love is and exactly what type of relationship that He wants… with each of us.
We may be limited by being humans on earth, but I promise you that Jesus is ready and unlimited for each encounter that we need with Him. For the first time in my life I realized how excited I was that He could read my mind. I was thrilled! I could just think to Him and He knew it. I had always had trouble opening up to others before because of serious trust factors in giving someone access to hurt me. So let me tell you, Him setting up home in my mind was the best gift of love ever.
I wasn’t concerned about Him having access to my secrets, fears or addictions. I was glad that He WAS seeing them with me. He brought to life the Word of God…”Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
To me, an introvert, that was the desire of my heart. I know that He thinks that I am all that to Him. He knows that I think that He is all that to me. He is the lover of my soul and the knower of all my thoughts…and I love Him for it.
To this end I write.
May you love and know Him too.
Patti Corbello Archer